NUMBER NINE: They say 'please' often.
If you have ever heard your Best Friend say the word 'please', there's a good chance that he might be a pterodactyl in disguise. Scientists estimate that over 90% of words in a pterodactyl's vocabulary consists of the word 'please'. So next time you hear him say 'please', is it a really the magic word or is it something else?
NUMBER EIGHT: They like to fly.
It's no secret that pterodactyls can fly. It's their hobby. But more importantly, it's how they get around. They can't fit in a bus! (Just imagine it, a pterodactyl in a bus! Ha!)
When you see your Best Friend, be sure to observe if they like to fly. But be careful. Pterodactyls often don't like to admit their passion for filght. Hint: Use coded phrases that subtly imply it. One question that we like to ask is, "Did your grandfather pilot a plane in WWII?" Their answer might tell you if they really are a secret pterodactyl!
NUMBER SEVEN: They are Old. Like Old Old.
Although pterodactyls smell a lot like dinosaurs, they aren't. Paleontologists classify them as a related group of animals, called something else. But something they do share in common is having lived at least sixty-five million years ago. So if your Best Friend is old and smells like a dinosaur, it might be another clue.
NUMBER SIX. They eat Clams.
In the field of paleontology, archaelogists often find seafood near the bones of pterodactyls. These include fish, but clams are commonly considered seafood as well. A good way to test this on your Best Friend is to buy them a pearl necklace. If you catch them eating it or biting it, (or even putting it in their mouth!) consider it within the realm of possibility that your Best Friend might be a pterodactyl.
NUMBER FIVE: They're Just a Bit Off.
Being a pterodactyl can lead to some pretty WEIRD behaviors. Often, they like to just grow grass and pretend that it's actually BLUE! Loud sounds also disturb them, too. One time, we found out that one of our Best Friends was a pterodactyl by playing music in front on him. Crazy, right? But that's not all, as other clues in this list will tell you even MORE tips.
NUMBER FOUR. They sleep in a bed with two live animals.
I don't know about you, but most humans prefer to sleep in a bed with a minimal amount of people and pets. However, pterodactyls are different, as they like to bring along not only sheep and dogs, but also lizards and porpoises too. One sociologist says that, in particular, they like to bring roosters! If your Best Friend wakes up the sound of chickens, they might be a pterodactyl in disguise.
NUMBER THREE. They float on water.
As creature of flight, pterodactyls have large wings and light bones. This lends to a light bodyweight, and the ability to float on water. Some even float on land! Bring your Best Friend to a pool and find out on your next getaway together! But don't forget that you might float to! Are you a pterodactyl too? Just kidding! (But are we? Yes. No? Maybe?...Only time will tell!)
NUMBER TWO: They are compulsive liars.
Nothing says, "I am a pterodactyl in disguise!" like a compulsive liar. A majority of polls indicate that a pterodactyl is more likely a compulsive liar than not. If you catch your Best Friend lying, see if they lie again. If they do, they might be hiding something from you.
A few honorable mentions:
Did you know, the pattern of fur on a pterodactyl so closely resembles a cheetah's coat that some companies, notably British fashion company Burberry, will skin pterodactyls alive? Everytime Burberry is caught doing it, they say it was a mistake, and they only did it for the revenue.
Pterodactyls are also known for their intense hatred of minorities. Again, they won't tell you this, as their compulsive behavior of lying would like to convince you otherwise. They even lie to themselves. So if you see your Best Friend around or avoiding minorities, keep an eye out for additional pterodactyl behavior.
We all know that quantum computing is the future. Hence why pterodactyls don't know anything about it. Of course, there are a few exceptions, but the average pterodactyl you meet probably won't be holding a PhD in the field. Most of them can't even describe the difference between a quark and an electron. They are, however, surprisingly good at other traits, like relativistic mechanics. Most of them have an amateur interest in the topic.
AND NOW,
NUMBER ONE: They never sigh.
Look, most of us get tired. Pterodactyls, too. But when we get tired, we stop for a short break and take a deep breath. It's known as 'taking a breather'. But the biology of a pterodactyl means that even if it wanted to, the pterodactyl's lungs are too flimsy for a large, relaxing breath. What they end up doing instead is by breathing rapidly in quick breaths, like a chain smoker, almost to the point a being a dog. While rare, it has been reported that some dogs were found to be secret pterodactyls. We suggest you invite your Best Friend out to the gym, and see if they can lift or not. When they are tired, be sure to observe them, looking for clues of canine behavior and shortness of breath. But we warn you, do not confront your Best Friend in the changing room if you come to the conclusion that they are, indeed, a pterodactyl. The gym locker room is just not the right place. Try instead confronting them about it on their birthday. Birthdays are an important cultural holiday for many pterodactyls and many of them will appreciate it if you complement their wings on that holiday.
That's it. Those were top 9 best tips for discerning whether your Best Friend is a pterodactyl. Thanks for existing, and good luck on your exam! You won't regret it!